My advice & suggestions for Beyoncé
There’s nothing quite like the Super Bowl Halftime show. It’s the greatest stage in all of music. You have one chance, one shot. It’s an unparalleled platform with expectations that are almost always unreachable, especially for female performers. So what’s Beyoncé have to do in order to win over the audience, especially in the midst of her current overanalyzed lip syncing scandal? Are you listening Beyoncé? Here’s some suggestions…
Firstly, pace is the most important aspect of a truly electrifying performance during the Super Bowl. It has to be relenentless, a fast-paced sprint to the finish. There’s no time for costume changes or even a 15-second instrumental intermission.
Secondly, take advantage of all this media outcry about your supposed lip synched National Anthem performance. Let the Halftime show be your answer. Remember when Katy Perry faked “technical difficulties” as she transitioned from “E.T.” to “Part of Me” during her Grammy performance?
I’m not even a huge Katy Perry fan, but I’ll be the first to admit this was genius. Do it, Beyoncé. Combine the awkwardness of the Ashlee Simpson lip syncing debacle, pretend you’re having technical difficulties, then blow the crowd away with the power of your vocals. And then, I don’t know, transition into Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor,” the very song you wrote way back in the early 2000s to address criticism and negativity. BOOM. You’re welcome Beyoncé
Thirdly, don’t limit yourself to your own discography. This is what made Prince (when he performed The Foo Fighter’s “Best of You”) and Madonna’s (when she mashed “Party Rock Anthem” with one of her own songs) sets so refreshing. It wasn’t just another run-of-the-mill Madonna or Prince concert, they brought something new, something they’ve never done before. You’re already experienced at this, Bey. You’re mash-up of “You Oughta Know” and “If I Were A Boy” is spectacular.
But, just a reminder, when I say “bring something new,” this doesn’t mean perform anything new. Madonna made that mistake by performing her lacklust “Give Me All Your Luvin.’” It was the one flaw of Madge’s entire set. And if the current rumors are true and you plan to perform the new snore-fest of a song “Nuclear,” that new Destiny’s Child song, please, please, please don’t. Not only is it a not a good song, but performing it during something so illustrious as the Super Bowl would only put a stain on the brilliant legacy of Destiny’s Child.
As for a finale, do yo thang Beyoncé. You’re a seasoned pro at performing, and I expect it to be nothing short of remarkable. Whether it’s a stripped down version of “Halo” or a high-energy performance of your new single, I know it will just work… as long as you don’t make one of the mistakes I listed above.
So there it is, Beyoncé. I lost your phone number (again!), so I couldn’t text you, but I hope you find time to read this. Good luck and see you and Jay at the next Illuminati meeting.
Top 20 Music Moments of 2012
7. Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger”—It took eight long years for Kelly to reclaim her throne as pop’s top timeless pop vocalist of this generation. Since 2004, Kelly Clarkson has been living in the shadows of the massive success of “Since U Been Gone”…until this year, when Clarkson released this explosive, unrivaled pop anthem. And, excuse the pun, Kelly is stronger than ever. Pop did not get any better than this in 2012, and anyone who is telling you differently is lying.
8. MIA’s “Bad Girls” music video—Hands down, the best music video of the year.
9. Nicki Minaj goes pop—Britney who? What’s that Perry’s girls first name? Isn’t there a pop singer with a dollar sign in her name? When Nicki Minaj released the thrilling pop masterpieces “Starships,” “Pound the Alarm,” “Automatic,” “Young Forever,” and “Whip It,” it was as if she was the single dominant pop goddess at the moment. Forget all the hip-hop fans who criticized her, this was the best, most exciting moment of her career.
10. Usher single-handedly save R&B with “Climax”—The “U Remind Me”-singer’s first single from the year also happens to be the most underrated song of the year. Usher croons over some of the slickest production I’ve ever heard (provided by Diplo). Lyrically and stylistically this is a transformative song for the R&B genre that seemed to be nearly dead in the 2010s.
11. Taylor Swift experiments with dubstep on “I Knew You Were Trouble”—Grab a time machine and take a journey back to 2006 when the world was just meeting the sweet Swift for the first time. Now, who would have bet even a single penny that that same girl singing about “Tim McGraw” would six years later would release a single with a bass drop into a glitzy dubstep hook? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
12. fun.’s breakout album Some Nights—Big, bold, and boisterous, fun.’s second studio album soars towards unimaginable heights. Not to mention, it features two of 2012’s biggest and best hits: “Some Nights” and the unavoidable bliss of “We Are Young.”
13. K-pop’s PSY makes a splash in the West—AY, SEXAY LADAY!
14. Justin Bieber’s “As Long As You Love Me”—The Biebs biggest crutch in his career up until now has been the struggle to shed his teenage heartthrob image and sound. In the last couple of years, he has been tremendously unsuccessful, and then he released this shockingly masterful R&B-meets-Justin Timberlake-monster smash featuring a credible feature and verse from Big Sean that changed everything. He made the world reexamine his image as the once-believed one-hit-wonder into a serious contender in the pop arena.
15. Christina Aguilera’s “Your Body” music video—The single may not have been the surefire comeback Xtina and her label hoped for, but the music video… Oh my god! Thrilling, sexy, dirty, intelligent, funny, and so much more.
16. P!nk performs “Try” on the American Music Awards—P!nk has now become the most reliable performer in the industry, so it is no surprise that when she recreated the music video for “Try” during her performance on the AMAs, it was absolutely breathtaking.
17. Ellie Goulding makes it big with “Lights,” then slays the world with “Anything Could Happen”—More than a year after its initial release, “Lights” become a worldwide smash, which makes it without-a-doubt the most deserving hit of the year. And then, out of seemingly nowhere, Ellie slays with one of her most magnificent songs to-date: “Anything Could Happen,” a gloriously soaring pop anthem.
18. Ke$ha’s Warrior—Pop didn’t sound much better than this in 2012. Unlike many albums in 2012, Warrior was not some sporadic mess, penned in a month, recorded in a week, and shipped and packed for release the next day. Ke$ha’s album was a gritty, cohesive slice of pop bliss that solidified her spot as one of pop’s top divas.
19. Kendrick Lamar’s dazzling debut—Rarely, if ever, does an artist’s anticipated debut ever live up to the hype. Good Kid, MAAD City stunned critics and listeners with its relentless story-telling technique, offering an incredible view into Lamar’s life.
20. American Idol, against all odds, remains relevant again with Phillip Phillips’ “Home”—It has been years since any American Idol winner has retained any notion of relevancy after the show, and yet, Phillip Phillip with his incredible and highly underrated “Home” shattered that notion. It became the theme song for the US Olympics, beginning its upward trajectory to the top of the charts.