1. Lorde and Daft Punk are the big winners at the 56th annual Grammy Awards, but it doesn’t really matter because all anyone can seem to talk about is Beyoncé’s jaw-dropping performance at the award show.
2. After the success of her 2013 sleeper hit “Summertime Sadness,” Lana Del Rey receives the recognition she deserves and scores her first top 5 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. Her third studio album Ultraviolence is both commercially successful and critically acclaimed.
3. Rihanna scores her 14th, 15th, and 16th #1 singles on the Hot 100.
4. Justin Bieber refuses to stay out of the spotlight. He frequents even more brothels, punches a few paparazzi, and is continuously hospitalized for “exhaustion.”
5. Bruno Mars brings out rock music legends for his mesmerizing and ultimately successful Super Bowl Halftime Show.
6. Nicki Minaj scores her first solo Hot 100 #1 with a predictably pop-inspired first single. She releases a two-disc album to reflect her pop and hip-hop personas.
7. Mariah Carey releases The Art of Letting Go, and while its championed by critics as being Mimi’s best album since The Emancipation, it flops on the charts.
8. Taylor Swift is still having boy problems, but her album is a commercial explosion, selling nearly 1.5 million copies in its first week.
9. Miley’s controversial movement continues. At The Grammys, she walks the red carpet with only rose petals covering her nipples, makes out with Stevie Wonder, and fingers herself on stage during a performance of “Adore You.”
10. Beyoncé isn’t done with surprises, and the first one is that Blue is becoming a big sister. Also, in December the 2015 Grammy nominations are announced and Yoncé walks away with 11 noms.
11. Kanye West won’t shut up about Kim Kardashian. His entire new album centers on the relationship with and the physique of his soon-to-be-wife. It’s sonically brilliant, and receives rave reviews from critics.
12. Lady Gaga falls further into pop radio oblivion. She releases “Venus” as the third single from ARTPOP, and the “Poker Face”-singer fails to reach the Top 40 for the first time in her career. Meanwhile, her tour is a resounding success, selling out stadiums around the globe.
13. After a bout in rehab for an eating disorder, Ke$ha drops the dollar sign from her name and releases the most personal album of her career without a single production credit from Dr. Luke.
14. Adele releases her third studio album, and nothing in pop music—or the universe at large—matters anymore. Also, the chair from Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” returns and becomes the “wrecking ball” of 2014.